Crabgrass - pt2

-+-
3

“Veeeeexen?” Demyx called, peering around the edge of the door.  “Vexen, are you here?” he said, looking around the lab.  Hearing only silence, he grinned.  “Awesome.  Dr. Freaktastic’s not here the one time I need him.  Well, just have to come back later… or never…” he said, looking around.  He spotted a clear box full of greenery and light, and cocked his head.

“Uh oh, looks like someone’s been experimenting on Marly’s garden again while he’s gone.  Pinky’s not gonna like that,” Demyx muttered, crossing to the box for a better look.  He peered through the plastic at the grass rustling softly.  A dozen curious eyes peered up at him from between the yellowing blades, swaying gently in unison as Demyx tilted his head at them.  He didn’t know much about plants, but he knew what being dried out looked like, and the plants looked miserable.

“Awww, you guys look thirsty.  I bet Vexen forgot to water you, didn’t he?” The plants chirrupped in unison, rustling yellowing leaves at him and tapping at the clear walls pleadingly.  Demyx looked around for anyone to yell at him before reaching for the hatch.  

“Okay, okay, hang on, lemme get you something to drink,” he said, opening the front hatch and turning away to grab an empty beaker and head for the sink.  He filled the glass and returned to find a dozen tiny faces peeping like a nest of baby birds, tiny curling mouths open and chirping pleadingly as he summoned the water with a gesture up out of the beaker into a floating bubble and passed it into the cage.  He flexed his fingers and the bubble popped into a gentle rain of droplets onto the thirsty grass creatures.  They made a strange sound like singing, cheerfully catching the makeshift rain and shivering as droplets ran down their blades.

“Hey, alright, there ya go.” He said, filling another beaker and repeating the process as the yellow began to fade back to green on the happy grasslike creatures.  Demyx idly brushed a hand over the damp grass, and the creatures purred and rubbed against his glove gratefully.  

“Aww, you’re welcome.  I wish I could let you guys back out to the garden, but Vexen’s probably gonna have a fit I was even IN his lab.” Demyx said, moving to close the hatch.  The grass cheeped sadly in protest, and he sighed.  “Aww, come on, I can’t guys.” He said, closing the hatch and taking one last look at them before locking the box.  They rustled and tapped the sides on the clear box, and Demyx frowned slightly.

“Huh, I thought there were a lot more of you guys before.  Ah well, I’ve gotta get going before Vex gets back,” Demyx said, turning around and taking a step before pausing.  One of the clumps of grass sat on the floor in front of him, swaying gently.  It giggled at him, and he frowned, looking from the box to the clump.  

“How did you…” he began, then crouched down next to the creature, scratching his head.  “Ah well,” he said with a shrug, reaching down and picking the clump up.  Its spindly roots were bunched up beneath it like a hundred tiny legs, wiggling as he held it, and he laughed a little.  “Awww, how cute, you guys have little pokey feet too!” he said, then looked around for others before tucking the grassy heartless back into the box full of green and faces.

“Don’t worry guys, I’m sure Vex isn’t gonna hurt you.  I’m gonna go see if Marly’s back yet, he’s probably out in his garden.” Demyx said, and the grass rustled and complained as he left, a few thin blades slipping through the gap between the hatch and the lid, poking at the latch to the box.  


-=-

Marluxia sighed, strolling happily through his garden, stroking one of the roses as it combed a thorny tendril lovingly through his hair.  The rose arbor suddenly curled its vines up and twined them through the slats again, and Marluxia turned, sensing the sudden fear that rippled through the plant life in the garden.  He scowled, seeing the entire garden shiver for a moment, then he headed off in the direction they seemed to be cringing from.

“I swear, if it’s Axel again, I’m going to feed him to the giant flytraps,” he muttered, stalking angrily toward the disturbance.  He slowed his pace as he reached the clearing, scowling and looking around as the plants cringed away from the spot.  He looked around at them, wondering what their problem was. He heard a gentle rustling sound at his feet, and looked down., then he froze.

A small clump of grass sat happily in the middle of the dirt path, poking its roots into the soil with a sigh.  It shivered and rustled, the blades parting to reveal a tiny beady-eyed face and a curving smiling mouth.  It scrunched up it’s face cutely and giggled at Marluxia.  

Marluxia screamed.


--+--
4


“So, it appears to be an entirely new type of plant-like heartless.  They reproduce at a surprising rate, and have a tendency to cut things that threaten them, but other than that they seem mostly harmless,” Vexen said.

“I’m not calling this ‘Mostly Harmless’,” Xigbar complained, gesturing with a bandaged hand.

“That was the result of your own stupidity by threatening it with a shovel,” Vexen said.  Axel cowered in his chair, eying Xigbar furiously.

“I can’t believe you actually went there, those things were… were…” Axel said, then shivered, rubbing one of his bandages.  “It was like a sea of knives.  Green, pokey, shrieking knives.”  He added.

“Oh come now, it’s a PLANT.  I’m surprised you didn’t try to roll it up and smoke it first, or is that how this happened to begin with?” Vexen snapped, and Axel flipped him off.

“Play nice, children.  Axel, put that away before the bandages catch, I don’t want to have to get the hose out again,” Xemnas said, casting a warning glance at Axel as a small ball of flame danced between his fingers as Vexen returned a foul gesture at the redhead.

“I still don’t like it.” Lexaeus said, crossing his arms and looking deep in thought.

“Is Marluxia back yet?” Saix asked, and Zexion closed his eyes for a moment.  

“Yes, I think, but….” He trailed off, looking puzzled.  “Something’s wrong, I’m not sure, but…”  Zexion paused, then turned to his superior with a scowl.

“Does anyone else smell burning leaves?”


Marluxia burst through the doors of the conference room, his mauve hair yanked back into a hasty ponytail, a flamethrower in his hands and his face streaked with ash.  He breathed heavily for a moment, glaring daggers at the assembly.

“Who did it?” He asked furiously.  “Who brought… that…THING here?” he snarled.  

“What thing?” Axel asked.  Marluxia turned on him with a snarl.

“That… That…THING!  That heartless garden-killing beast!  The Green Nightmare!” He bellowed furiously, gesturing with the flamethrower.  Vexen ducked out of the way, then moved behind Lexaeus for safety.

“The what?” Zexion asked.

“CRABGRASS!” Marluxia screeched.  “Which one of you fools brought that creeping green demon here??” he demanded, and all eyes slowly drifted to look at Xigbar, who suddenly had the urge to teleport away as Marluxia’s glare focused on him.

“YOU?” he hissed.  “You brought that fiend here?” he demanded as Xigbar backed away, bandaged hands raised.  Axel scrambled up onto his chair, looking at the ground warilyas he summoned up a small fireball.

“You brought that spiky green stuff heartless HERE?” Axel cried, looking around for any sign of the green tufted menace.

“Oh come on, it’s just a plant!” Xigbar cried, punching him in the shoulder and knocking the fireball to the floor, where it extinguished itself.  Marluxia pointed the flamethrower at him.

“WRONG!” Marluxia snarled.  “Crabgrass is NOT just a plant, it’s a horrible, horrible, soul-sucking, garden-eating menace!  It’s runner roots can stab through anything, tree roots, fences, bulbs, concrete blocks, hardened steel!  It reproduces like wildfire, and It’s damn near impossible to kill!”  Marluxia said, gesturing with the muzzle of the flamethrower for emphasis.  “Not to mention it’s blades are like sawgrass, razor-sharp and tough as steel!  It’s a naturally heartless beast, but whoever made it into an actual Heartless is just pure evil!  The monsters must die!!” Marluxia cried.

“But it’s a PLANT!  Can’t you do something with it?” Vexen said, and Marluxia sneered.

“Yes.” He said, hefting the flamethrower menacingly.  “Kill it with fire.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Axel chimed in, hopping down from his chair and summoning up one of his chakrams with a grin.

“Can’t you just mow it or something, I mean, it IS grass,” Xigbar suggested, and Marluxia glared.

“Even my scythe is useless against them.  Mowing only makes it spread faster.  We need fire, poison, and a shovel for me to smack you in the head and bury you under my bougainvillea for bringing this menace here.”  Marluxia said, then nodded at Vexen.  “Even freezing won’t kill it, but it might slow it down.”

“I still don’t understand, it’s been locked up in a box in the lab!  I don’t know how you even found out…”

Marluxia laughed at Vexen.

“You haven’t looked outside lately, have you?” he asked, striding toward one of the tall windows to the balcony and throwing it open.  He gestured toward the courtyard below, and the others approached, then paused in shock at the scene before them.

What had once been a barren stone courtyard was now filled with a field of gently swaying green, shimmering slightly in the sunlight.  Small tufts of green clung between the roof slates of the lower buildings, everything was eerily quiet, except for the soft rustling of grass.  After a moment of stunned silence, Xemnas turned to the assembly.

“There’s green on my castle.” He said flatly.  With a sigh, he walked toward the door.

“Kill it, burn it, get rid of it, I don’t care how but I want it gone.  Saix, help me pack, we’re going Lair Shopping.”

“But, but, my lab….” Vexen began, and Xemnas lifted an eyebrow at him.

“Will be moved and rebuilt at the next facility.  We were outgrowing this world anyway, squeezing eleven people in this castle is a bit much, I’ll have to make the next one much bigger,” Xemnas said, then looked at the green heartless outside.  “And maybe make it fly or float above the earth, no more dirt, just in case,” he added thoughtfully, then nodded to himself and walked away.

Vexen sputtered a bit, then huffed and glared angrily at the grassy heartless invading the castle.

“I told you I didn’t like it.” Lexaeus said.

“I don’t understand how they got out of the box, I had it locked up tight in the lab,” he muttered, and Demyx cringed, then raised his hand.  Zexion groaned.  

“Why am I not surprised fishbrain’s involved?”

“Oh, shut up, kid.” Xigbar grumbled.

“Demyx, whyyy?” Axel whined, facepalming.  Demyx shuffled sheepishly.

“I only opened it long enough to water them!  They were thirsty!” He said, and various groans were heard.  Someone called him an idiot, and he pouted.

“Well, I guess there’s only one thing left to do,” Marluxia said.

“Pack our bags and run away like The Superior did?” Demyx suggested, and Axel slapped him in the back of the head.

“I’ll go look up some weed killer recipes and meet you in the lab,” Zexion said, and Vexen nodded.  “Marluxia, Axel, since you two are so keen on burning things all of a sudden, PLEASE stay away from the library until I’m done packing,” Zexion added as he left, and Axel stuck his tongue out at him.

“Flaming scythe time?” Axel asked Marluxia, and the mauve-haired man nodded.

“Flaming scythe time.”  Marly confirmed with a grin, shouldering the flamethrower.

“Oh good grief,” Vexen muttered, stalking away.  “Have fun with your barbarism, I’m going back to the lab to work and pack like a logical, civilized, intelligent being,” he said, slamming the conference room door behind him.


-=+=-
5

“So?” Xemnas asked, looking over the battered and ash-strewn assembly before him.  They’d taken over the meeting room of a small restaurant temporarily as a conference room.

“Complete and utter fail.  Every clump we burned just grew back from the roots we couldn’t get.  The weed killer did nothing, and neither did freezing it, just stabbing it with pointy things, or hitting it.  We surrendered the castle to the creeping badness and ran for our lives,” Axel said.  “I left a note for Xaldin to meet up here and warned him about the crabgrass, but the castle’s a loss.”

“So what has this taught us about our sample analysis procedures?” Xemnas asked.

“That it’s better to study things on their own world, and keep them the hell out of our home?” Xigbar said sourly, gingerly nursing a small forest of cuts and burns.

“That too,” Xemnas said, “Also that Demyx is an idiot, but Vexen is a bigger idiot for leaving his lab unlocked, therefore, we need better handling procedures at the new lab,” he said, and Vexen sputtered angrily.

“At any rate, what’s done is done, and I have good news and bad news.” Xemnas said, steepling his fingers together.  “The good news is, I’ve found another location for our main base.  The bad news is, I’m instituting a ranking system within the Organization.  It’s based on both seniority and competence, I’m first, of course, followed by Xigbar and Xaldin.”  Xigbar barked a laugh, and Xemnas eyed him to shut up.  “Fourth is Vexen, followed by…”

“Why am I fourth?  I’ve known you longer than that one-eyed hyena, AND I’ve had tenure in the old lab longer than you’d even been around!” Vexen said, and Xemnas smirked unpleasantly.

“Then you should have been able to find a way to stop the crabgrass from taking over the castle, shouldn’t you?  Since it escaped from your lab…”

“But Xigbar brought it in!”

“And you let it out.”

“Technically, Demyx let it out…” Saix said, and Xemnas nodded.

“That’s why he’s in ninth place now.”

“Ninth!  That’s not fair!  I just watered them!” Demyx cried.

“So, who’s eight?” Axel asked.

“You are.”

“Nuh-uh!  I HELPED!  I tried to save the castle from the green stuff, and I warned you it was dangerous in the first place!” Axel cried.

“Yes, and you and Marluxia burned up most of a very nice medieval castle trying to get rid of it, didn’t you?” Xemnas said.

“Five and Six are Lexaeus and Zexion.  That’s just because you didn’t do much except say ‘I told you so’ a lot during the evacuation.” Xemnas said, and Lexaeus muttered for him to go do something foul and anatomically impossible under his breath.  

“I rescued the library when that pyromaniac putz set the roof on fire!” Zexion cried, pointing angrily at Axel, who made a rude face at him.

“And all Saix did was help you pack,” Larxene complained.

“Which is why he still outranks you.  You’re 12.” Xemnas said.

“I’m WHAT?!?!” Larxene bellowed, crackles of electricity dancing in the air.

“You tried to ADOPT a patch of it and bring it with you!” Marluxia screeched, Axel holding him back from attacking her.  “I pray to whatever gods may exist that you die a horrible, non-painful death long before I do, and that I get to watch, you freakish little sado-masochist!” he cried, then jerked away from axel angrily.

“And don’t think I’ll ever forget OR forgive what you did to my garden, Axel.” Marluxia snarled.  “My poor clematis, and the roses…” he choked a bit, fighting a sob.

“They were moving and green, how was I supposed to know it wasn’t after us too!” Axel defended, and Marluxia glared daggers at him.

“And last but not quite least, you, Marluxia, are number 11.  Partly because I don’t like you, but mostly because as a supposed ‘master’ of plant life, you should have been able to do more than just run screaming like a little girl from a tuft of grass, and then chase it down with a flamethrower.” Xemnas said, rubbing his forehead wearily as he spoke.  Demyx was counting on his fingers, frowning.  He timidly raised a hand, and Xemnas sighed.

“Yes, Demyx?”

“Umm, I know I suck at math, but how can there be twelve ranks if there’s only eleven of us?” Demyx asked.  Xemnas tilted his head at the door.

“Because Xaldin has already found our new number 10.” Xemnas said, and a small uproar of complaint began.  The door began to creak open, and they all fell silent, looking toward the doorway in surprise.  A blonde man with a goatee stood there, quirking an eyebrow at the room full of people in black.  Xaldin appeared beside his shoulder, nodding to Xemnas before gesturing the man to enter.

“This bloke says you’re looking for people with interesting abilities.  I was starting to think I was the only one until he came along.” The man said.

“So, you’re the Time Mage then?”  Xemnas asked, and the man nodded.

“Time Manipulation comes in handy in my line of work.  Gambler by trade, my… skills improve my luck, if you know what I mean,” he said with a wink.  

“Excellent.  Welcome to our little Organization, Mr…” Xemnas said, and the man nodded a greeting.

“Luxord, I suppose.  Suits well enough for now.”  His introduction was met with various half-hearted greeting and comments, then Demyx suddenly grinned, his face lighting up.

“Hey, if this guy can control time, maybe he can rewind things so that the crabgrass thing never happened?” he asked excitedly.  

Axel slapped him across the back of the head.

“Unnecessary, but the closest thing to a good idea you’ve ever had.  As of now, the Crabgrass Incident does not exist, it never happened, and will not be mentioned again, understood?” Xemnas said, and his declaration was met with various complaints and muttering.

“Am I Understood.” He said, emphasizing each word threateningly.  Nodding and half-hearted agreement followed.

“So… on to new business.  Saix has found an abandoned monastery in the middle of nowhere to use as a new headquarters until the new castle I’ve ordered is finished being constructed.  We’ll begin moving in as soon as possible.  You’re dismissed, pack your things.  That is all.”  Xemnas said.

“Oh, and No Gardens.  Ever.  Never Again.  THAT is all.”

--=+=--

And thus “The Crabgrass Incident” became known within the Organization as “The First Incident That Never Happened, in the World That Doesn’t Exist, Before the World That Never Was.”